The Good And The Bad

Let's start out with the good news shall we?

First of all, I got 10 hours of sleep last night, and I am feeling much better today. Even thought I am still moving a little slow, I guess it is not all together inappropriate being that I am in Italy.

Second, Pam decided to come home tonight and sleep. I do not really know why she decided to do this, but I am glad she did because I was not really looking forward to sleeping in their bed again. Okay, I was not looking forward to changing the sheets and making a new bed. What can I say; I guess I have gotten a little lazy.

Third, the sun is out today and it a very pleasant weather.

The Bad...

Well, the soup did not turn out quite like I had planned. Actually, I never had a full bowl of it. Around six the girls headed off to swim practice and I trudged back to the apartment to read a little. I was so dead; I just was not even hungry. I went down to the office and told Sam that I was just going to skip dinner and go to bed because I was dragging. He told me this was fine, and I fell asleep around 9:30pm. I don't know if they actually ate any of the soup or not, but I can tell you, it did not taste all that good to me. Now, I did find it bland so perhaps they really liked it, who knows. Then, this morning Pam comes to tell me that she is coming home in the evening and is going to bring a pizza for us all. I am pretty happy about that. I really love pizza night because there is hardly any mess to clean up, and of course, I love the pizza here.

The worst is that I think it is starting to show just how much I need a vacation. I just don't do much of anything anymore. When I first came, as all of you know, I wanted to do everything for this family. Then when they would not help me keep their place orderly, it kind of hurt my feelings and made me feel like they did not care what I did, like my hard work meant nothing to them. I still do the laundry, and pick up a little, but it is nothing like it once was because I just got burned out. Burned out and tired. I have even stopped cooking all that much. I just know that they do not like much of the food I cook and therefore, I just cook whatever is convenient. Their disorderliness has really gotten to me these past few weeks. If know me well, you know I am not very accepting of other's flaws. Even though I am plenty flawed myself, and I realize this, I have a hard time accepting the flaws of others when they are things I find important, like living an orderly life, etc. I guess, well, I guess I am pretty judgmental when it comes right down to it (another wonderful flaw to add to my list), but hopefully, I can change this with time.

Today I came to this realization. For a while now, I have been talking to Mom, and thinking, and trying to figure out what I do not like about it here, why I am not just overjoyed to be in Italy. And today, it suddenly dawned on me. I just don't like the lifestyle. Of course it probably doesn't help that the family I work for pushes my buttons a little, but still, I know it is mostly the lifestyle. I am just not an Italian at heart. I don't want to wait two years to get an electric bill, or never be able to find a ham hock, never eat another Oreo again. Even though life here of slow, and therefore the claim is that the quality of life is better, I would rather be in a faster society where I can have the luxuries of this world. That is just who I am. And, even if I come back from Italy not knowing how to speak Italian fluently, and even if I decide to not come back to work in Europe, I say that coming to Italy was still a good decision in the long run because it taught me that the life back home may not be perfect, but it is the life I want for myself. Now, all I have to do is learn how to find happiness here, and accept my surroundings. I think if I can do that, I will be much happier. I just have to think of it as 'roughing it' for a few more months because after the summer is over. I am only coming back for three months. Not nearly as long as my first stay here. So, I am glad I recognized this, finally, and I hope my next few months here go a lot more smoothly.

Did you know I have to boil 200 eggs and then help dye them in time for Easter this year? I think I might have mentioned this in my last post. Well, I started working on them today. I can do about twelve at a time so hopefully, it will be a fairly quick process. If you did not have to wait twenty minutes after you boiled them, it would be even better. It is really interesting how Italians celebrate Easter. I think most of them have some sort of past dish along with lamb, and the children receive huge, I mean huge, like the size of your face, chocolate Easter eggs. They are wrapped either in fancy paper or child themed paper (like Barbie or Batman). I am actually very interested to know how the British celebrate Easter. I imagine it must be pretty similar to the way Americans celebrate the holiday, but who knows. After this holiday, I don't think I will be missing any other American holidays at hom....crap; I will miss the 4th of July. Well, I will only be home five days late so that has to count for something. Obviously, the people here do not celebrate the 4th of July, so I guess I will be missing that holiday also. Although, I never much cared about the 4th of July the way I care about Thanksgiving and Christmas.

On Monday, I am planning on going into Siena one more time before I leave, I want to get birthday presents for both of the girls (Siena's is not for a few months yet, but I figure it is best to be prepared), as well as check out some shops I have had my eye one for a while now. Then, on Tuesday, I will be packing like a mad woman. Wednesday, I will be off (My flight leaves 7:40 am Fort Worth time), so you can be thinking of my as you are getting up next Wednesday morning.

My French lessons are going well. I am already able to speak a little bit, and mostly my grammar is not incorrect, just my pronunciation, which slows down our lessons a lot, but what can you do eh? I will be trying to practice more now that I am out of Italian school, and of course, I need to get back to practicing my Italian and drilling myself on vocabulary for both languages. Also, I have started working on my writing again. I try to do whatever feels natural to me, and so we will see where that leads me. Several people have said they enjoy my writing in the blog, and so I am trying to translate that into a story and use my Italian surroundings to influence me a little. Maybe all is starting to get on track again...or maybe I haven't even found my train car yet, who knows? (Or as the Italians would say: Chissa?)